Monthly Archives: February 2010

Because He Lives

On Wednesday night during choir practice, Jeff (our worship leader) asked the choir what it means to us personally that Jesus lives. Some people said that to them it meant hope, victory, confirmation, power. I sat there and all I could think was “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.” My heart started beating really hard, and my palms were sweaty, but I didn’t get a chance to share what I was feeling. As I left practice, I tucked that into my heart and went on my way.

This morning at church, we sang the song. I am sure Jeff knew we were going to do that song, but I didn’t! I felt so blessed that God would allow us to sing the song that been nestled in my heart all week. I love the lyrics of the last verse. They aren’t on the video below, but here they are –

And then one day, I’ll cross the river,
I’ll fight life’s final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict’ry,
I’ll see the lights of glory and I’ll know He lives!

Oh, how these words speak directly into my heart! As I struggle with pain every day, I look forward to “crossing the river” and stepping into an eternity with no pain or tears – no back pain, no muscle spasms, no infertility medication, no emotional roller coasters! Just sweet communion with our Savior. It’s overwhelming to think about. So, as you watch the video, please meditate on the words of this song. Let His love for you, His death and ressurection fill your heart, and you too will be able to face tomorrow – all because He lives!

Carousel Horses and Christophanies

I had the craziest dream this morning!

In my dream, Mike’s parents bought a carousel with all of the horses attached. They decided to give the horses to friends and family. Mike and I were able to pick the horse that we wanted….on one condition. We would have to move into Mike’s parent’s new house. Lauree (Mike’s mom) explained that our room would have a washer and dryer in it – well, obviously that was  enough to convince us and we chose a horse with a plain saddle. The rest of the horses had very ornate decorations, but my plan was to cover the plain saddle in wall paper to match our new bedding.

Also, for moving into Pete and Lauree’s new house, we were given a new black Toyota Camry. I am not sure how I came to this conclusion,whether someone told me or if I figured it out, but I just KNEW if I drove the new car down the winding road that led to the frozen yogurt shop, JESUS WOULD APPEAR! I tried a few times, but I must not have gotten it just right because  Jesus did not appear to me. I came home upset and Mike asked why I was acting so weird. He said that Shawn said I was acting weird, too.  In my dream, Mike’s best friend was Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World. I told him about wanting to see Jesus. And then I woke up. The End.

What an afternoon!

Well, I had to go to the dentist – again! This time I went to a new dentist. Turns out the last dentist I had messed up a few teeth. I now need crown lengthening (gum surgery) in two places and two new crowns. Grand total: about $2,000. After crying for a while (I’m sure they all thought I was crazy!) I was very upset and called Mike to come down to the dentist so we could figure out what we should do. I showed him the price list (on a very fancy computer screen attached to the chair!) and he asked, “What if you get pregnant?”. With all the stress and anxiety, I had forgetten we were trying to have a baby! Silly me!

After telling the dentist my story about infertility treaments and try to get pregnant, she told me that I would not be able to have the surgeries if I were pregnant, and that she had gone through infertility treaments so she knows how emotion and stressful that can be. She had IVF and had twins 22 months ago! She was super sweet and understanding. She recommended putting off most of the work until after I have a baby.

 SO, new plan! A little work on one tooth and a fantasic teeth cleaning (see SMILE above) later, I paid only $20, and  received lots of well-wishes for a speedy pregnancy from the staff. My very stressful denitst appointment ended rather well….and not only that….When I got into my car, these were waiting for me!

Mike had left the dentist and went to Sam’s Club to buy them for me. When I got home and told him that he was the best husband ever, he said he knew I had a hard day. What a guy! What an afternoon!

Power, Love and a Sound Mind

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2Timothy 1:7

I absolutely love this verse. It reminds me of my husband. When we first started dating I asked him if he liked watching scary movies. He’s a big tough guy, and I figured most guys liked scary movies. What he said next really surprised me. He said that he didn’t watch scary movies at all, and that he stayed away from things that gave him fear. Then he quoted this verse in 2 Timothy. It really made me think.

That night I went home and opened my Bible and began to read. I know that I had heard that verse before, but I had never applied it to watching scary movies – but now, after what this big tough, man of God had said, it’s like the light bulb went on! It is so true, God has not given us a spirit of fear! I never watched a scary movie again. And you know what, I don’t ever have scary dreams and I’m not afraid to be home alone, either. Cutting out things that would cause fear has done tremendous things!

The Lord wants to give us a spirit of power, love and a sound mind….now don’t ANY of those sound better than a spirit of fear?  He gives His children ALL of these gifts; we just need to ask!

The B-I-B-L-E…that’s the book for me?

I have really been struggling with reading my Bible lately….honestly it has always been a struggle for me to have consistency in my devotional life. I pray every day- throughout the entire day; Mike and I even pray together all the time. I read devotional books, Christian Living books, even books about the Bible, but for some reason, getting up and picking up my Sword is a hard thing for me.

I have tried to figure out why this is. It’s not that I don’t have the time. I have more free time than anyone I know. I sit on the couch most of the day watching mindless TV shows and reading novels or laying in my bed trying to relieve the aches and pains. My Bible just stares up at me from the coffee table and beckons me to read it.

Sometimes I think  there is nothing new for me to read, nothing exciting, just the same stuff I have read for years. I have been a Christian most of my life – almost 20 years, so I have heard many sermons, read the New Testament lots of times- and most of the Old too,  BUT I forget the Author breathes new life into the pages every time I dive in.

This morning I turned off the TV and picked up my Bible. I started reading the book of 1 Timothy….and I finished it….like I said, It is not a lack of time that keeps me away from the Word! One verse that stuck out to me was 1 Timothy 2:10 – “For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. (NLT)

I think every women wants to feel attractive. Women want to feel beautiful and wanted. I try to take really good care of myself. I keep my hair colored and styled, my makeup just right, I eat well and try to exercise as my body allows me to and I know that my husband loves me and thinks I’m sexy, but if I am not nice to him or I neglect the few things he expects me to do, I become less attractive- no matter how much time I spent in the morning getting ready! My moodiness and short temper can turn me from a beautiful princess to an ugly old hag in no time! I need to meditate on…whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report( Phil 4:8). When I think on lovely things all the time – Christ’s love, His grace and mercy, His comfort, I will automatically become more lovely.

So, this morning God did have something to show me in His Word- He always does. I think 2 Timothy is on the menu for breakfast tomorrow.

My First Entry

First of all I would like to start off with my favorite quote:

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

I believe the most courageous people in the world are the ones that live in chronic pain, but still get out of bed every day determined to live life to the fullest. This is how I live my life. As I am typing this, my eyes are filling with tears and my chest feels tight. Writing about my life and my struggles won’t be easy, but if I can help just one struggling person to go to bed and say “I will try again tomorrow”, it will be worth it.

I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Disease when I was 17, had my first failed back surgery at 18 and my second at 19. I have tried every treatment, injection, drug and therapy there is, but nothing seems to get rid of all of the pain. When I was 22, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This disorder causes pain, chronic fatigue and depression. On top of these disorders, I am also struggling with infertility. I just started treament for this and it has been making me quite ill also. All of this to say, I don’t live the “normal” 26 year old’s life. Aspects are extremely normal – I am married, I own a house that I enjoy making a comfortable home, I have a family I love and that loves me, but being chronically ill makes each of those things a bit harder for me than for most.

I don’t want your pity, but I would love your prayers! Everyday, I have to wake up and ask the Lord to help me through my day. I really NEED Him to get me through my day. Sometimes the pain (physical and emotional) are too much to bear. Christ’s love and comfort propel me into each new moment of my day. I may be in pain, but I am so incredibly blessed!  I love my life, my husband , my cat Snickers and my family. I am excited to share my some bits of my life with you. I know your struggles aren’t the same as mine, but I know you have your own- real, hard and discouraging! I hope to encourage you and point you to the Cross. Christ’s love and hope is just what we need to get through this life. So let’s start this journey!