Have you ever wondered what your purpose is in life? I know that our main purpose as Christians is to glorify God and lead others to Him, but in our every day lives, what are we supposed to be doing? I have heard it said that you need to bloom where you are planted….I have such a hard time with that. Right now I feel stale…not in my relationship with Christ – no, I feel really close to the Lord, but in my everyday life…I think, “What the heck am I supposed to be doing?”
I do my best to take care of my home and my husband, but I feel like I have lost part of myself. I think that feeling comes from being in pain. I know I go back to that in most of my posts, but for me it is a huge reality. Before I was diagnosed with the many diseases and syndromes I have, I had great BIG dreams! I wanted to play basketball in college while I was getting a degree so I could teach English Literature. I wanted to write and publish a book. I also would have loved to be a hair dresser or work in the medical field. I even went to school for that. I couldn’t finish because I had my second back surgery that permanently disabled me….argh…I hate being so frustrated, but that is exactly how I am feeling! I feel so blessed to be married and have a wonderful husband, but I never thought my life would be spent at home everyday by myself looking for housework to keep me busy…I want to be a mom and raise children who grow up to love God and impact the world for Him; it doesn’t seem like any of those dreams will be a possibility. I wanted to change the world! I wanted to be famous!
How do I translate the dreams of my youth to my life now? I have yet to figure it out. That is the frustrating part. I wish so much that God would heal me. I have prayed and prayed and prayed…..for whatever reason, He has chosen not to. I suppose as I keep seeking the Lord He will show me what I am supposed to be doing with my days, but today, I feel frustrated and sad.