I have to start out by telling you how amazing my husband is. For my birthday this year I asked him for a special present. I wanted him to do something that made me feel special and important…I didn’t give him any more details than that. I have to admit I was a little nervous about leaving it all up to him. I usually tell him exactly what I want or I just buy it myself. Besides the special birthday request, I wanted new bedding and some new pots and pans- which I picked up at Target and Kohl’s at the end of February. 🙂
I had no idea what my husband’s birthday surprise was going to be. I kept reminding him about it and he finally told me that he had it covered. I was mildly comforted….On the Wednesday night before my birthday, on the way home from worship practice, he told me what the surprise was. He had emailed everyone in my email address book and told them that since sending hand written notes was so important to me, (many of you have probably been the recipient of my important little hobby), he asked everyone to send me a hand written note for my birthday! Then he pulled out two envelopes from his jacket pocket. Below are the first two notes I received.
They were from our friends’ son, Seth and daughter, Grace. The first picture from Seth is a family portrait of Mike, me and our cat, Snickers. The second, from Grace, is a picture of Grace and I. Grace’s note reads “Dear Ms. Stacy thank you Ms. Stacy for taking me to fun places. From Grace.” How incredibly special! I couldn’t help but cry!
In the next 3 days I received a total of 20 cards and hand written notes. Every one of them made me cry! My husband got it so right! This is exactly the kind of thing that would make me feel special and important! Everyone’s words were so kind and encouraging. Those of you who sent me cards, expect a thank you in the mail soon! 🙂
For my birthday celebration, I wanted to have family and a couple of friends over at my mom’s house for dinner and I asked my mom to make pot roast and a chocolate chocolate chocolate cake! She did NOT disappoint! The dinner, cake and fellowship were so wonderful! We ate dinner, I opened my many gifts, had cake and ice cream, and watched the Discovery Channel’s documentary Planet Earth on my brother’s new Blu Ray player. It was such an amazing night!
The next morning, I got up and took a pregnancy test – I could have taken it on my actual birthday, but decided I would wait another day. I didn’t want a negative result to ruin my birthday. The result was indeed negative. I spent most of the morning crying as I got ready to go to church. The high of celebrating my birthday crashed and I felt so conflicted. I felt so blessed that my husband, family and friends went out of their way to make me feel special, but I also felt like my heart was breaking. This was another birthday with no children. After church we went to a BBQ at my mom’s house because we had some out-of-state family visiting. It turned into a big thing, with more than 30 people! I was happy to see everyone, but in the last year, 3 of my cousins have had new babies…I have to say it was incredibly hard to see them all living what is my biggest dream.
I knew I needed to blog, but every time I sat down at the computer to write, I froze. I wanted to celebrate the wonderful things that happened, but I did not want to ignore the sorrow I was feeling from the negative pregnancy test. This morning I finally felt like I could write about my birthday weekend – the joy I felt being with my wonderful friends and family, the sweet words of my friends – hand written and sent in the mail, the great food and gifts, but also the other side of my birthday coin – the pain of another year childless, the heavy feeling in my chest when I held my cousin’s new baby boy, the longing I had when I played on the floor with my other cousin’s new daughter.
I can tell you that I don’t understand what God is doing, and I am not sure in this life I ever will, but I do know that He will never leave me and that He celebrates with me when I have joy and He holds me close when I feel pain- and this morning, that’s enough for me.