For the last week and a half, almost all of my time has been spent either in bed or laying on the couch. I’ve had a terrible flare up with my back, and not being able to take my normal pain meds has made my recovery from it more difficult and long.
It’s hard for me to write about my pain, because I never want to be seen as the complainer. I hate being around negative people, so I never want people to see me that way. But, I want to be honest about my life and my circumstances so people can feel encouraged or spurred on in persevering through their own circumstances.
One of the hardest things about being in pain is what it does to me mentally. Discouragement comes easily when I can’t function as I normally do. Laying on the couch all day trying to find something decent on TV to distract me from the pain, dreading the bathroom trips because even walking that 10 feet is so painful, seeing the house getting messier and messier and knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it, wishing Mike was home to sit with me, having more than enough time to dwell on every possible fear I could have about my pregnancy and motherhood – you can imagine how this could be discouraging!
I have to admit there were times last week when I felt absolutely hopeless, when I felt like maybe it was a mistake to try to get pregnant. I knew I would have more pain that usual, but I didn’t expect that until my third trimester. Thinking about only have a few months left would help me see a light at the end of the tunnel, but thinking that I would not be able to function for the next seven months terrified me. Every concern Mike had about me getting pregnant and the pain I would be in rushed back into my head and I didn’t want to tell him how bad my pain actually was because I felt foolish for assuring him I would be just fine. I did end up talking to him about how bad the pain actually was and how I was feeling.
Each day brings its own challenges for each of us. For some, like me, it’s physical pain; for others it’s emotional pain. No matter what it is we struggle with, the Lord says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” So I will echo the words of the Apostle Paul, “Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”