I originally shared the picture and post below when Samuel was 7 months old. He just turned 3 a couple months ago. It’s amazing what time and experience teaches you. I don’t hate my stretch marks. I don’t hate that my tummy is a little saggy or that it will never look the way it did before I gave birth to my awesome little boy. I love my body now. In the last couple years, but especially the last couple months, I have had a realization. This is the only body I get. Most of the time it hurts all over, my legs are chubby and my tummy much softer than it was when I was in my 20s. But you know what, I respect my body now. I am blown away at the strength my body possesses. Those chubby legs carried my fussy baby around the house when I had to walk circle for hours in the middle of the night. My wider hips hold my toddler when he needs to be close to me, but I also need to get other things done. My squishy tummy provides entertainment for my son when he pokes it and says, “Daddy’s tummy is hard, Mommy’s tummy is squishy”, and then he throws his head back and laughs. See, my body bears the scars and marks and size of my past experiences. Some days I look at really fit, slim people and I want to look like that, but I know it will never happen. I am disabled and this body won’t allow me to work out like a crazy person and get super toned, and I love food. 🙂 I am ok with that. For the first time in my adult life. I am ok with that. I love my body. I love the curves and the strength and even the squishy parts. Now this doesn’t mean I don’t want to be healthy, this means that I will be as healthy as possible- for me. No more self-loathing, no more tears when I look in the mirror. I see Mike’s smokin’ hot wife and Samuel’s amazing mommy. It’s taken a long time, but I am there and I couldn’t be happier. I wish the same for you, precious mommies!
I loath my stretch marks. I get disgusted when I look in the mirror and I see my saggy, misshapen, striped tummy. This picture made me think…then cry. It was all worth it when I think of my baby boy. I thought I would share it with you.
This past week has been incredibly difficult for me. We found out Samuel is allergic to our cat Snickers (and peanuts, too, but that’s another post!).
My heart broke when the doctor told me it was probably Snickers that was making Samuel so itchy and uncomfortable. I knew we had to find her a new home. The decision was easy, the pain that came along with it was not. I listed her on Craigslist, highlighting her many wonderful qualities, leaving out her not so desirable ones (eating cardboard, eating ribbon and yarn), praying the Lord would direct the perfect family to her. A woman named Denise called and asked if she was available. The thing that struck me was that Denise called Snickers by her name when she asked if we still had her. I think most people would have just asked if we still had “the cat” available. This was a good sign. She said she was looking for a female, spayed cat for her family to love. I tried to explain to her how special Snickers was to me and that I didn’t want to give her away at all, but it was for our son who we found out was allergic. She seemed very excited to meet Snickers and assured me that Snickers would be loved and given plenty of attention. This was Thursday evening we spoke. We planned on meeting at our church after the service on Sunday.
This gave me Friday and Saturday to say goodbye. Unfortunately, since Samuel is allergic, I could not touch Snickers or let her sit on my lap. I spent each evening talking to Snickers and telling her how much she had meant to our family, that she was my baby before Samuel was, but now that Samuel was here and that we could not give her the love and attention she needed, she was going to have a new family that would play with her and pet her. It has been a long time since I cried so hard. I spent Friday and Saturday in a fog, swollen, puffy eyes and a terrible sand paper behind the eyes kind of headache. Sunday morning came and Snickers went to church with us (she is a Christian kitty, of course!); she spend the service in the “cry room”, fittingly. After church, Denise came and picked up Snickers. She was so excited to see her and take her home to her kids. We gave Denise Snickers’ food, litter, toys and brush, and I enclosed a letter for her to read.
I explained how Mike got Snickers for me when we had been trying to have a baby and I was not able to conceive. I told her how Snickers had been my constant companion for 2 1/2 years, following me around the house, finishing the milk at the bottom on my cereal bowl, laying on my tummy everyday I was pregnant with Samuel, as if she was protecting him. I also gave her a list of quirky things about Snickers! I wish I would have gotten an owners manual when we got Snickers!! Here’s the list:
1. She will want to smell you for a really long time before she lets you pet her. She’s kind of like a dog that way. But once she is used to your smell, she will let you love on her all you want.
2. You can’t really hold her like you would a regular cat. We have held her like a baby, on her back, cradled since she was a kitten. That’s how she loves to be held, she will probably try to jump out of your arms if you hold her any other way. Lol
3. She will eat string, yarn, and ribbons – and I don’t mean she will chew on them, she will actually eat them. Poor baby ended up at the vet one night because I accidentally left my yarn out. She did end up passing it, but it wasn’t pretty! Hahahaha!
4. She likes people food. If she sits next to you and waits for you to finish your cereal, it’s because I always let her lick my bowl when I was finished. Not sure how you feel about that, lol, but she loves the milk at the end of the bowl.
5. She loves to be rubbed, her head especially and her belly, but once her tale starts flicking, she’s done and it’s best to give her her space.
6. She loves to be brushed!
7. My husband likes to chase her around the house and we have little soft balls with bells inside that she loves to chase around and play with. For being 3 years old, she still likes to play a lot.
8. She really likes to be curled up at night at my feet on the bed. I don’t know how you feel about animals in bed with you, but your kids may love that about her.
9 .Her full name is Snickers Rose. Cheesy I know, but I let a friend of our’s 5 year old daughter give her her middle name. She looked like the inside of a Snickers bar to me so that’s where her first name came from. Of course you can name her anything you want, but she will come when you call her Snickers or Snicks.
10. She is fixed and doesn’t do that howly in-heat thing. It’s nice! Also, she does not have front claws so you won’t have to worry about her scratching the kids or your furniture. When she was a kitten she climbed up the curtains, the screen door, anything with fabric, so to keep our home looking nice, we declawed her. She doesn’t seem to mind at all. She does have her back claws.
11. She likes to chew on cardboard. You’ll see!
12. We feed her Iams food. You don’t have to, but she may have some stinky toots if you don’t! It may take some experimenting to find another food that works for her. Hahaha!
I am heartbroken to have given up my sweet Snickers, but there are some pros. I also made a list. I am hoping that by going through every good and not so good thing about Snickers, I will be able to move on and not miss her so much.
1. She eats cardboard….I don’t have to pick up that mess anymore! 🙂
2. I won’t have to tie our Christmas tree to the wall this year.
3. I won’t have to scoop her box or vacuum up the litter she kicks all over the bathroom! 🙂
4. I can crochet without having to lock her in the bedroom. She ate a 3 foot long piece of yarn a couple years ago…not pretty.
5. Last, but not least, Samuel will be healthier!!!!
Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Snickers.