Today I walked a mile with Samuel. Less than the two miles that I had been walking, but I had to restart my walking routine since I had the flu and it really messed me up. After a half mile loop around our neighborhood, I was feeling motivated to go a second round. The last 20 or so steps were painful. I made it back to the house and got Samuel to his crib for his nap and I took a really hot shower, hoping it would relieve my pain. No such luck. The pain is getting worse each hour. I took 4 Motrin a few minutes ago so I am hoping it helps.
The last few months have been pretty amazing, not a lot of back pain, I have had more energy than usual (all that walking?), and there are even days….ok, never a whole day, so lets just say hours, that I forget about my disabilities. When I am on the floor with Samuel too long I feel intense pain in my lower back and legs, but for the most part, I can get through my day with minimal pain. Then there are days like today. I have to keep uninviting myself to the pity party. It’s frustrating, disappointing and it makes me sad a weepy when I can’t play with Samuel the way I’d like, or pick up the floor, or make the bed. I do my best to stay positive, but it is so difficult.
I’m glad Samuel doesn’t mind snuggling on the couch with me. I am hoping that as Samuel grows up, learning that Mama can’t do everything that normal mommies do because she has a hurt back, that he will become compassionate and more caring about people. Mike’s mom has severe Fibromyalgia and I believe that Mike learned to be a patient, understanding and compassionate person because of it. I pray that my pain and disability will be used for God’s glory, through my son; that a sweet girl will fall in love with him because of the things he learned from watching his Daddy take care of his Mama.