I can’t believe it has been over a month since I last posted something. Pretty much everyday I have longed to sit at the computer and write, but life has gotten in the way. Samuel is napping and I need a shower, but it can wait. I NEED to write! Samuel has been sick, teething or fussy for the last month and this week was especially bad. He had his first fever and I was so scared. He is even such a good boy when he is sick, but he wanted to be held non-stop, most of the time with me standing. This is not conducive to my fibromyalgia or my DDD. There were hours when I would just cry and cry. The pain was so bad that it took my breath away at times. My mom and sister really helped me when I just couldn’t do it anymore. I am so blessed they live close and are always willing to help. Mike got up in the middle of the night to help me because I could not walk.
This month Samuel started taking steps on his own. It is so exciting, but so sad at the same time! My baby boy is not so much of a baby anymore. He doesn’t even look like a baby; we had to get him a hair cut because his hair was getting in his eyes, and BAM! Little boy Samuel appeared and baby Samuel is gone. As a mom, it is wonderful to see him grow, but also hard to know that time is passing so quickly and that I can never get those moments back. Samuel is also eating mostly table food; I still give him some baby food veggies so he has more variety. He really loves eating! He doesn’t really like peas (the skins make him gag), scrambled eggs or strawberries. He also doesn’t like apple juice! I thought all kids liked apple juice! I need to try another kind of juice I guess. He is down to drinking about 20-25 ounces of formula a day, down from his 35-40 ounces. I think he will transition to cow’s milk really easily, at least that is my prayer!
On a more personal note, I have been struggling with my place in ministry lately. I love being in the nursery with the babies, but I also love to sing on the worship team. It has proved to be difficult to be on the worship team having Samuel. My mom is willing (ok, more than willing!) to watch him on Thursday nights so I can go to rehearsal, but because Mike’s schedule is so packed, my brother has to drive me to the gas station by the freeway so Mike can pick me up on his way from work to rehearsal. Then I have to find a sitter for Samuel for Sunday morning rehearsal (thank you Karis!!). I have to make sure whoever watches Samuel is very aware of his peanut allergy and I spend so much time worrying about him. It all feels a little overwhelming. But, when I’m up there singing, I feel like it is exactly where I am supposed to be. I am praying about the whole situation. Maybe I need to wait until Samuel is a little older to go back to worship ministry….or maybe I can do nursery, minister to Samuel and do worship ministry. At this point, it’s still unclear.
I am living everyday clinging to the Lord, praying for strength to take care of myself, my wonderful husband and my sweet baby boy. I can’t do it on my own. I don’t even have the strength to try. I am so thankful for the friends and family who lift me up in prayer on a regular basis. They will never know how it blesses me! I think I may be able to get a shower in if I hurry! 🙂 Blessings to you all!
Oh and here are a few pics of the last month!