With All Due Respect

“It’s interesting that God requires the husband to LOVE his wife, but the wife is required to have RESPECT for her husband. ‘Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband’ (Ephesians 5:33). I assume no woman would marry a man she didn’t love, but too often a wife loses respect for her husband after they’ve been married awhile. Loss of respect seems to precede loss of love and is more hurtful to a man than we realize.” (The Power Of  A Praying Wife, Page 41)

Have you ever been out in public and heard a wife speak to her husband disrespectfully, making sure the world knows what an idiot he is? I have and it makes me cringe! Ever wonder if anyone has heard you speak to your husband and had the same reaction? There have been times when I have spoken to my husband with disrespect, not usually in public, but definitely in our home in the middle of an argument, and I have even made myself cringe!

Stormie writes about the consequences of losing respect for your husband. Queen Vashti’s refused her husband, the king’s request to put on her royal clothes and crown and make an appearance at his feast.

“The result was that Vashti loss her position as queen. She not only wronged her husband, the kin, but the people as well. Unless a wife wants to lose her position as queen of her husband’s heart, and hurt her family and friends besides, she mustn’t humiliate her husband no matter how much she thinks he deserves it. The price is too high. If this has already happened to you, and you know you’ve shown disrespect for your husband, confess it to God right now.” (The Power Of A Praying Wife, Page 42)

I am so thankful for the Lord’s grace! We are never too far gone; He can work miracles in our marriages when we are obedient to Him.

Last year my husband came home with this set of CD entitled Love And Respect. It was an audio book written by Dr.Emerson Eggerichs. I didn’t really know what it was going into it, but I was excited that my husband was interested in enriching our marriage. We listened to the CDs on our was to and from church twice a week. What an eye opener! I highly recommend reading the book with your husband, and if he’s not interested, read it for yourself. It has completely changed our marriage. Below is a link to the Love and Respect website. Take a look around and read some of the articles. You can even order the book from there or find a Love and Respect conference.


You will be amazed at the change in your husband’s responses when you speak respectfully to him. I realized I spoke to my husband disrespectfully because I was feeling unloved by what he said or did;, he would then feel disrespected and treat me unlovingly, resulting in me being disrespectful to him. Dr. Eggerichs calls this the Crazy Cycle. We’ve been caught in it a time or two.

Something we have found extremely helpful in our marriage is when I feel like my husband is acting unloving, I ask him if I did something to make him feel disrespected. When I am acting disrespectful, he asks me if he has done something to make me feel unloved. This way, neither of us is blaming the other for what is going on, we are able to easily hash out (most of the time) the original unloving or disrespectful thing that was said or done and be able to apologize for it before feelings and words escalate. You may find this helpful too.

I have so many things I want to say about this, but the fibromyalgia is really making me foggy (please forgive me!), so please please please pick up Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Respecting our husbands is so extremely important and I wish I could express myself well today. Maybe tomorrow I can revise this post if my mind is working better.

I will leave you with this:

“When you are praying for yourself – his wife- remember with model of a wood wife from the Bible  It says she takes care of her home and runs it well. She knows how to buy and sell and make wise investments. She keeps herself healthy and strong and dressed attractively  She work diligently and has skills which are marketable. She is giving and conscientiously prepares for the future. She contributes to her husband’s good reputation. She is strong, solid, honorable, and not afraid of growing older. She speaks wisely and kindly. She doesn’t sit around doing nothing, but carefully watches what goes on in her home. Her children and husband praise her. She doesn’t rely on charm and beauty but knows that the fear of the Lord is what is most attractive. She supports her husband ans still has a fruitful life of her own which speaks loudly for itself (Proverbs 31). This is an amazing woman, the kind of woman we can become only through God’s enablement and our own surrendering. The bottom line is that she is a woman whose husband trusts her because ‘she does him good and not evil’ all the days of her life.’ I believe the most important ‘good’ a wife can do for her husband is pray. Shall we?” (The Power Of A Praying Wife, Pages, 43, 44)


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